That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
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My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
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This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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