Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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