make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize