She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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