I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize