i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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