im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
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Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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