I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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