please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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