I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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