I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
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Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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