a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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