Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Text me some of your sweat
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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