Need sex. Gaining weight.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize