dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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