where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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