I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
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Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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