I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize