everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
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You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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