Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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