Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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