please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
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ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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