i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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