if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
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Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
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I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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