Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize