dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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