one word: firstdatebathroomanal
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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