quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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