So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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