i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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