I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Dick very happy bro
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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