I wish I only lived at night.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize