remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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