Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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