Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize