She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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