do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize