I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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