my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize