She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
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