Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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