that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
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last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
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mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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