Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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