Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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