Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did I show you my penis last night?
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now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
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Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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