he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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