The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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