HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
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Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
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I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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