DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
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like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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