I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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